Sex Ed
by Sweeter
Summary: Just a pointless rambling about how Will and Matt get a rare case of Sex Ed. Kinda cracky but not really so you're safe if you avoid crackfics like the plague.


**Title**: Sex Ed. Or Education

**Summery**: Just a pointless rambling about how Will and Matt get a rare case of Sex Ed. Probably will never happen, but as you know there are so many people in this world there is a possibility this did actually happen. It's this little mantra thing I've been workin' on, "Everthing is happening every minute". And like, it _is_. Robert _did _just leave Marcia for Susan; and Alexis _is _pregnant with Drake's baby!

**AN**: This is kinda . . .REALLY pointless but it's kinda funny. I don't really know what a drabble is but I guess this is what you could call a really long drabble-shot. Whatever

Even though they were both on the opposite sides of the room, the flush they shared were for each other. It was absolutely horrible, you know. The past Sex Ed. classes were easy, Will reflected. She didn't have a boyfriend back then, or at least a _serious _boyfriend (serious meaning that they'd moved to first base, if _that _meant kissing. Only Irma had memorized _that _stuff). Cornelia, with her boyfriend back then, not serious, had not even had a single tint in her cheeks, but then again, that's Cornelia for you.

Come to think of it Cornelia wasn't even blushing now but glaring at Irma who was giggling uncontrollably with Hay Lin at the pictures of penises. Will was simply not looking at the pictures, because whenever she did she wondered how Matt's looked like which completely freaked her out.

Oh hell, everything was freaking her out lately. The overall weirdness that was held by all, the extreme tallness of the teacher and the way Taranee was checking out the penises like it was research for her next test or the particularly juicy part of her favourite book. _Wait, never mind, _she thought. _I just did not think _juicy part_._

Will gulped slowly and allowed herself a glance at Matt. He was staring at her! She nearly screamed but simply jumped in her chair as if electrified and looked away, her head on fire. She looked back at Matt who's face was also redder. Slowly, almost reluctantly he turned his head to face her and they both looked away again.

Hoo boy, Will muttered inwardly. This stupid Sex Ed. thing was only reminding her of the feelings that she would/should have. Oh for god's sake, she was fourteen! Why the hell was she thinking about sex? She was underage times a million!

As the teacher was wittily droning away Will zoned out slightly, her vision going a little fuzzy. She wondered if Matt was having these same thoughts? Oh, very probably! And knowing Matt they probably hadn't advanced farther than hers and her embarrassment.

Shit, hell and all curses available to this universe except those that are used for slangs for having sex, were along the lines of what Matt was thinking for he _was _having the exact same thoughts as Will and of the same degree.

How much longer was this going to last? he reflected as he looked up torturously at the clock. Only fifteen more minutes. How bad was that going to be? He glanced at Martin who seemed to find this simply boring, not torturous but boring. How was that even possible?

Nigel was staring at his desk, probably taking in less than half of the words the stupid, ugly teacher was spouting. Okay, so she wasn't an ugly looking teacher, Matt retracted. They probably only excepted young, beautiful, well endowed, tall and elegant women for this job like a promise for the girls that they'd look this way and a treat for the boys. Oh, and she'd have to be funny, Matt added decisively. And he guessed she was.

"Can you imagine the girls looking like this in a few years?" Nigel whispered at Matt. Matt tried to imagine Will's head over the teacher's body, but he couldn't bring himself too. He imagined Cornelia. Yes, that was definitely a Cornelia body.

"Sort of," he whispered back. "I think that Cornelia will look like that."

"Yeah," Nigel agreed. "But I really can't imagine Taranee."

"I can't imagine Will, really," Matt said. Actually, come to think of it, he kind of could. He had seen Will in her Guardian form before and if that hadn't blown him away! He had felt pretty . . . Hopeful in a sense that one day she'd look like that. He'd also felt a little undeserving and a bit four-year-oldish compared to the knock-out before him. And she hadn't hesitated to treat him like a four year-old in the attempt to kick him out and keep him safe. It hadn't worked, naturally.

"Well, sort of," he allowed. "But it really looks kind of fake."

"Yeah," Nigel agreed. "And it's weird. _Really _weird."

"I wish they'd just hand us, say, a guidebook or something," Matt said. "I think it'd be easier."

"But some freaks could use it as porno," Nigel shrugged.

"What, diagrams?" Matt snorted. "I mean, this, my friend, is just plain sick!" Matt stabbed vaguely in the direction of submerging body parts.

"Well, I guess this costs less," Nigel said. Matt's mouth hung open for a few minutes, processing the obvious truth of Nigel's words.

"I guess you're right," he whispered at last and turned his attention to the teacher.

Will bit her lip before she realized she was supposed to be laughing at one of the teacher's jokes and she forced one.

"I know this is a horrible and excruciating experience for some of you," Elaine shrugged. "But it'll be done in a few minutes are so. Some of you are freaking that you're supposed to have sex since even the _school _is pushing it on you, but really, what the school is trying to do is satisfy your curiosity and warn you that you could STD's or pregnant. Hey, if you get AID's you could drop dead, you know, and make your principal very happy and do you really want that? But honestly, if you get herpes or morning sickness don't come running to me!"

Will sighed and cradled her head in her hands. She wondered if she'd ever get morning sickness. She glanced at the clock. Ten minutes left. Huh.

She leaned over to Cornelia.

"You bored?"

"Not really, but this is infuriating, Will! Would Irma and Hay Lin just shut up! They're directing unwanted attention at us!" Cornelia snarled.

"Are you?" Will asked Taranee.

"Not at all!" Taranee shrugged. "Did you _know _there's a morning-after pill? I always thought you'd have to take the pill _before_!"

"Hay Lin?"

"Hahahahaheehee oh my god Will haha!"

"Okay never mind," Will sighed and leaned back into place.

" - Just like these group of girls here!" Elaine said, bounding over to Will's cluster of desks. Will's eyes popped out of her head.

"Two girls find the penises hilarious, one girl is honestly trying to find out about sex through a student's view though that's only her shield, one is bored and unwelcome to her two gigglytude friends and one," - Elaine put her hand right on top of Will's red hair. " - Is totally embarrassed and freaking out about what I just told you earlier - '_Should I have sex, I mean, even the school is pushing it, not to mention TV, internet, like, everything you see is screaming TITS! TITS! CONDOMS AND DRY-HUMPING!'"_

Will's face was so red she felt like there was fire under her skin. Elaine allowed the class to laugh for awhile before she said,

"And you know, that's perfectly normal." The class shut up almost immediately except for one lone giggle that also died away. "So I don't want you teasing any of these girls, cuz face it, you're having the same thoughts as all of them. And just to prove my theory, okay _you_, lady, what's your name?" Elaine asked Will.

"Um - Will?" Will mumbled, avoiding eye-contact.

"Do you have a boyfriend?" Elaine asked.

"Oh god . . . Yes?" Will responded.

The boys cheered and yelled, "Matt!" for awhile and Matt finally looked at Will, a little thoughtfully, until Elaine yelled, "Shut up!"

"See what I mean?" she added. "And you know Will, don't feel pressured to bring it all out. And I'm speaking to all the girls through you, okay? I will try not to embarrass you any longer, and as a teacher I apologize for putting you through heck. Not many teachers will do that!"

The class laughed and even Will managed to smile a little.

"Now, I'll randomly select boys, since you guys tend to group together a little strange plus you have more cases. I can't really tell which of the girls are nymphomaniacs or well, sluts but I can kinda tell from the guys," Elaine shrugged, moving away from Will.

"Lessee. Ah yes. You," she said, pointing at Martin. "Are bored. Because whatever girl you like you simply don't like in _that _way. Sure, she's cute, but you honestly love her personality over her looks. Plus, you're not that kinda guy, really."

There were a few choruses from the guys of, "Irma!"

"Okay, guys, stop naming names," Elaine grumbled, marching over to the guy who yelled,

"Are you sure Marty-pants!"

"What's your name?" Elaine demanded.

"Uriah," Uriah said. He was a bully with a couple of thugs who thought they ruled the school. Taranee had thrown a few fireballs at him in her day.

"You, my friend, are the slightly wonked-up male equivalent of a nymphomaniac, you're obsessed with sex though you've never had any, you are raucous and rude and yell obscenities at the girls. Your slightly more mature-hormonal wise and everyone can't wait till you're sixteen or so," she said, rolling her eyes. Everyone laughed extra hard, they rarely got a chance to laugh at Uriah but with a teacher present his thugs couldn't do anything except glare at everyone.

"Now, let's see," Elaine said, gliding down the rows. "Ah, _you_," she said, gesturing at a boy with brown hair. "You're probably the average boy, you're a bit like Uriah but not that extreme, you're faintly embarrassed by sex but manage to hide it and you're also _very _curious. If you have a girlfriend you naturally pretend to be the fuzzy-wuzzy boyfriend, expertly keeping 

your depravity under wraps. If you don't have one, you can either still keep it under wraps or become a Uriah." The class whooped.

"And here's another average," Elaine said, gesturing at Nigel. "You're completely embarrassed by sex, faintly curious and a prude."

"Bang on!" Uriah yelled.

"Just be quiet," Elaine sighed. "And you -" she said, her hand landing on Matt's head who stiffened immediately. "Are the male version of Miss. Will over there. You've probably also have a girlfriend, you don't quite know if you should be the raucous boy or the fuzzy-wuzzy boyfriend and you most definitely would be yourself if you knew who that was." The class clapped appreciatively.

"And you've got a girlfriend right?" Elaine asked comfortably.

"Will!" the class yelled.

"Oh, so there you go," Elaine shrugged, smirking a little. "Just don't push her where she doesn't wanna go." She mussed up Matt's hair then suddenly stood up straight and clapped her hands so loudly everyone flinched.

"Well, that's the end of this class!" she said cheerfully. "Remember, you have to know that you respect each other, respect yourselves, and that you're ready. If in doubt, don't do it. If he's threatening to break up with you, that show's he really doesn't care about you and if did with his ex, maybe he should've stay'd with her, hmmm? Remember, the slut who comes and assaults you might be a walking STD and a condom breaks every fifteen minutes! This Agent Elly, signing off!" She bounded through the door to the sound of thunderous applause.

On Agent Elaine's orders no-one had teased Matt or Will yet but still, that did not stop him from going around the school with a blush spread all over his face. Will finally found him at the end of the school day at his locker.

"You've been avoiding me," she stated, her backpack slung over her shoulder and her eyes big and her hair red. Matt found that was so adorably cute.

"Well, it's weird, you know," he said, as they walked down the hall. "I mean, it's just . . . it's just hard to imagine that one day I'm going to have sex with someone, maybe even you." He reached and held her hand.

"I just feel uncomfortable that, you might push me away if I stare at you or act like a perv or something," he sighed.

"Like Elaine said, that's perfectly normal," she said.

"I mean, that's all I've ever been afraid since we've started dating. I'm afraid you're going to push me away," he told her.

"Push you away?" Will asked, wrinkling her nose in confusion.

"Sometimes, well, really all the time I just look inside myself and I see nothing. All I see is this kid with black hair, a guitar and a dream. Then I look inside you and I see a beautiful angel who literally saves the world and I think, I just don't deserve you. I think one day some other guy, like that Caleb dude, the Rebel Leader, _he _deserves you, you're about equal. I mean, the hero gets the heroine. Whatever.

"Someone who's inner stuff is just as noble as yours will find you and you'll push me away. That's why I get so possessive when the other guys, like Eric or Caleb hung around you. I just freak," he said honestly.

"Oh Matt," Will sighed sadly as they continued walking down the street towards Matt's grandfather's pet shop. "Don't you ever think you don't deserve me." She stood on her tippy-toes, grabbing his shirt to steady her, at the same time pulling him down for a long-lasting kiss.

When she finally left his lips his arms circled her, pulling her close and he stared deep into her eyes. Giving her a soft kiss, he breathed, "I love you Will."

"I love you too," she admitted truthfully, kissing him back.

"Yeah," he sighed into the top of her head. "And someday maybe we will, you know." He turned red.

"Yeah," she agreed, barring her eyelashes. "But until then?"

"Here's lookin' at you kid," Matt laughed.

"We'll always have Sheffield."

And walking away, exchanging Humphrey Bogart lines and nearly reciting all of Casablanca Will and Matt walked to the pet shop, hand in hand.

I do NOT own Casablanca.

I do NOT own any of the characters you recognize.

I do NOT own THIS or THAT.

I do NOT know why I put Casablanca in this, Boggart is just a bit to angsty and drunkish. I love Sam though, he's awesome!

I DO own Elaine, she is awesome and a fictious character which I've never had the pleasure of meeting.

I DO own the slight OOC of Taranee.

I DO own this writing, kay? And if you plagiarize it, which you won't I will eat your heart out. And that would really hurt.

PS: See what I meant by pointless? This is more just of a tryout than a serious . . . attempt.


End file.
